2020 started off amazing for me. I have been feeling great and things are going great. Here we are in march… I started off the month with an MRI to check on things with my brain.
Well lets just say there is some really small spots that showed up in the right frontal lobe of my brain. The spots are at different layers of my brain and both show with some amount of blood supply. I don’t have any symptoms from them and I am thankful for that. One has more than the other which my doctor and her colleagues believe that it’s probably a tumor. Now these two spots are small in the way of, they aren’t really measurable. So I have another scan on April 14th with seeing the doctor the very next day. We are hoping that the spots will vanish otherwise I will have to make some decisions on my next steps. Surgery is off the table, not an option. The option that I know so far would be to go back on chemo. Down side to that is if I go back on, that means another year at least.
One thing I just can’t get over is how I can’t just enjoy some time of whatever normalcy. What I mean by time is just months. Not even asking for years here. Now I knew this tumor (GBM) was vicious. But gosh darn it. Can a guy just go back to seeing a primary care doctor for just physicals?!
Sad truth is, I know that will never happen and I have accepted that fact. That doesn’t mean I want to keep taking these blows.
I am stronger than I ever could have imagined I could be. I know one thing for sure is that whatever my next step will be, I’m fighting it full force and with everything I got. Just like I have with all my other battles.
Now if that wasn’t enough for me to deal with, now we add the virus to this hot mess. The self quarantine into this. Bringing back old memories of my first battle of cancer and not being able to go anywhere. Not having the ability to have people over because of the chance of getting sick.
Heres how I deal with change…I adapt to it. One thing I know for sure and have learned over the past 14ish years of fighting to live, Is that you keep on keeping on. Bring that shit with you and push through. Who knows how long we will have to deal with so much distance and closures. but one thing we should all be grateful is our life. We are alive for a reason and we should never take a day for granted.
Just remember, no matter what struggle or fight or illness you have.
NO ONE FIGHTS ALONE
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